and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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