i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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