well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
