the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
