It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
