I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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