In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
