yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
