Don't you send me to vm
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
