She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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