so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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