i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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