my shit smells like andre
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
