Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
