Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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