oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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