the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
