apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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