I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
