Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
