his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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