Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
