I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
