I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
