I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Randomize
