If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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