Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
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