Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
