one two three fourrrrnication!
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize