i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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