drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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