I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
