The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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