after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
