I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize