She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
