he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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