I swear god or herbie drove my car home
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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