I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
