Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
