he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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