We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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