Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
