Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Randomize
