I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
