Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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