Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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