Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
