i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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