I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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