Your tits are I can't wait for
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
