Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
