Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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