My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Randomize
