Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
