i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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