i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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