weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
