he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
