Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
