I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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