in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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