I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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