I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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