Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
