how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
