I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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