I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
4 words: hood of his car
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
