Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
im holly from the hills drunk
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
