Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
