dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
