We won't sleep together?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
