I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
