I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize