I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
50% drunk capacity currently
I currently don't understand fingers.
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