i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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