theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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