Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize