You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
