A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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