I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize