Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
