no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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