I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
