you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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