So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
