It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
