My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize