apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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